Boy oh boy, welcome to the wild wild story of my life.
To the ones still around, take a seat and enjoy. This has been my 17.27th year or 6,307th day on this so called place where we live, with a so called man in the sky doing so called things to make your so called life exciting or not so exciting. The last year has been different than the rest, with the constant appointments and admittance's into psychiatric hospitals. It was probably the summer right before the last September, when my life started going downhill. Nothing was wrong with the way I was living, just the thought of living automatically became a decision that I felt had to be made. The night of October 23rd, 2016 I was admitted into Millwood, where I thought it would all go away as soon as I stepped in there. That was a temporary fix for a temporary problem, the medications did not seem to work and my life turned to total shit. My eleventh grade year became a death sentence as I failed 2 classes due to the things that struck my life. Right before the second semester of my 11th grade year, I decided to start homeschooling myself through a program in Houston ISD. During this transition was my second visit another psychiatric hospital named Sundance, where I experienced my second and final visits to these type of establishments. These three visits have changed my life drastically to look at the outlook of the life that I need to continue for myself and the people around me. I am glad to have come forward to receive the help that I "needed". I got a tattoo to describe the life that I have been through and hope that many people that have gone, are going through, or will eventually go through some of the same things that I have gone through to seek help and could even reach out to me. The school that I enrolled in has changed my life and the path that I am going toward greatly. This past year I have set my eyes on becoming an elementary school teacher. I was exposed to graduating early by my school this upcoming December as well as college in May of 2020. Since pinpointing what I wanted to be, I started taking career based classes at my school and community college to become a student intern at a local elementary school. This experience has allowed me to watch little minds grow into smarter kids and just seeing them becoming the people that they have been becoming has been astonishing. This fall semester I have decided to enroll in 5 college classes along with 8 high school classes. As of right now, my high school has not started yet due to Hurricane Harvey but college alone is sTrESSfuL. I have learned that I need to manage my time more efficiently and this has been an eye-opening experience. I currently work at McDonald's, hopefully until I graduate college. I have been included in this small group of family at McDonald's which I am glad that they have been placed into my life because they have been a good esteem booster during the good and bad days since working there this short time. I have a best friend named Cora who I feel like I can tell whatever and she just makes my life so much better, along with my siblings who are almost 16, 10, and 2. My family has played an important role in my life and living in the past 17 years, my mom, who gave birth to me at 14 and my dad who has helped so much the past 12 years that he has been in my life since moving to Texas. Although they do not receive much credit or time with me, I am glad that the so called man in the sky placed them in the life that I live. Until next time, I need a quarter; please.
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Dear future but no so future Chris,
You are currently a junior at Frontier, struggling through the final days of the semester; waiting at a bus stop at 6 am contemplating the thought of life. You made it this far; if you're reading this. Your taste in music is probably gonna still be semi-trash as it always has been and probably will be. I am proud that you have been living life to the fullest and now have ways to cope with your feelings and what is going on. You love memes and Grey's Anatomy too much to the point that you can't go to sleep and I hope that never changes. You currently work at Pizza Hut and love books so much that it will probably become a problem. Make sure you stop complaining about every small thing going on in your life and learn the lessons that people try to teach you. Your 3 siblings are currently 15, 9 and 2 and still are living life like you should be. Junior year is definitely the hardest year of high school, but I promise you'll make it; especially in Goveia's class. You are about to start a new chapter in your life in online school as well a new job along with Pizza Hut to save up for that dreaded college experience that you desire and will love. Your favorite thing in the world is receiving college t-shirts and other college stuff because you just cannot wait for some odd reason no one knows other than the spark that Upward Bound has sparked in you. Coming so close to death when the earth doesn't feel like home is a weird feeling and I hope you never have to go through it again in all the years of your life. All the things you regret and don't want to live for will eventually fade away and become better as the well minded Melanie would say. Always remember even if you can't seem to make it that you have friends and family that will help you through this rough time and although you might go to hell and back, hold on. From bowling club with Gloria to deep talks with Melanie and Cora, who you always end up crying to, and the many friends that care about you, along with that tiny light that follows you everywhere that most likely comforts you it was still thriving through the daylight and that's the highlight of your life. Sincerely, Present but not so present Chris Before reading this blog post, I would like to say that I don't mean for this post to be offensive, nor attacking towards others just as a way to see the viewpoint of where I am coming from and what I am going through during or even after school let alone during life.
First, all last week I felt as if my teachers think what is going on with me is a joke; what I am going through is no joke to say, but is just something I have to deal with and still need to live daily with. I was presented with two of my teachers saying I would know what was going on in class if I wouldn't have been sleeping, but since getting out of the mental hospital for ten days I have been sleeping for at least 4 hours or less due to my medication. Which I am taking three daily and cannot stop them even if they are making me lethargic, as long as I am not killing myself or thinking about suicide, but kudos to them for making me feel a lot better about myself and the things I'm going through right now. Currently it is 11:16 P.M. and I am just laying here ranting about how this previous week has just been filled with this, but besides that there has been a teacher that actually knows what is happening and that is my Health Science teacher and she has actually presented situations where I can "wake up" or even get away from being tired to actually enjoy her class instead of dreading going to my A Day classes because of the teachers. Also, thanks to my health science teacher for dragging me during PBL presentations the other day. Second, I am glad that my friends are most understanding and help me get through these hard times by actually helping me out and getting me through the day without dropping out including Cora, Gloria and Melanie, who will talk to me about anything and everything and will even answer my calls when I am freaking out about the piling amount of assignments that I am getting assigned. As well as the content mastery teacher who for some reason helps more with my studies than any other teacher because there is some sudden not wanting to help Chris Kyle for some odd reason, but I just live with it and go there to vent and get help with things I am really struggling with. Honestly, if you do something "bad" dont dread going to AC because it's definitely better than the regular classes they're putting us in. Lastly, I appreciate everything that anyone has done for me and glad to have those types of people in my life, no matter what I have been through or what's going on and could care less about Thoreau or the quadratic formulas, awake or not. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us....(Dickens)". This quote describes my life for the past about three months through going through a friendship bust, suicidal thoughts, new friends and being admitted to a mental hospital. It all started back summer after ninth grade when my Mom decided I was going through bad times in the midst of my teenage years, just thinking it was normal I was feeling like total shit all the time and came close enough to thinking about suicide and how I was going to end my bitter life at the time. It was all just me thinking there was regular teenage stuff going on when actually I was super depressed, which I didn't get to until previously which was a storm of crying, thinking about dying and just the life of Chris Kyle going on. Then the beginning blew over and I met one of the most narcissistic people in the world that you could ever meet man it felt as if I was living my worst nightmare while wanting them to give me something in life, like love or their total attention as they were juggling their own life, whilst giving me rides to literally everywhere because honestly I am BROKE and have no car but other than that shit went down and it was a roller coaster that was only going down honestly. The suicidal thoughts for me, I thought were very normal, but apparently people at all shouldn't be having them as when I expressed the thought of killing myself to people it escalated to being admitted into a mental hospital where I learned tons of lessons as well as met many different people in different life stages along with different diagnoses. My diagnosis in which I embrace and live with daily is Bipolar Disorder with possibly being on the spectrum. But going on with the story of being in a mental hospital, it was eventful as I learned many new things about how to cope with what is going to go on in my world as well as dealing with my diagnosis. This blog will be about the story of me and being "16 and changed", changed for the better and for the worst of times. The picture below is also great like me so I decided to add it.
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Chris kyleA "different" 11th grader who enjoys reading, writing and being with friends. A writer of reviews for http://readerviewskids.com/ ArchivesCategories |